300: Those Darn In-Laws...

Hahaha okay! This week we discussed some interesting topics…In-laws and finances. Like two of the big contributing factors to divorce. We read a few articles, and the first two I read were by Poduska; he focused on family finances and what he calls “family rules.”

There were so many things I loved about Poduska's chapters; they are and will be extremely applicable in the near future. First, family rules. Both husband and wife come into a marriage with spoken and unspoken family rules, or I like to think of them as traditions or personal norms that they're used to. Each have their own distinct opinions and ways of doing things, and at some point or another, opinions are going to clash! These clashes of family rules especially come to light when finances jump in. For example, maybe it's tradition for the wife's family to buy one, nice, expensive gift on someone's birthday. You know, to spoil them a bit! Yet in the husband's family, it is important for husband and wife to talk about purchases, especially the big ones. Therefore, there is likely to be some miscommunication on the husband's first big birthday when he gets a fancy, expensive gift that he knows they didn’t previously discuss the price of. This basically comes down to communication and finding a common ground. Both need to be sensitive and try to understand each other’s needs and norms, but they will have to compromise. The husband doesn’t have to make a comment like, “What is this? Why did you get something without talking to me about it first?” The wife is likely to be hurt and feel like her husband didn’t like. It will be uncomfortable for both, because they are initially going against each other’s family rules.

The other part I loved was when Poduska categorized everyone into their "age groups" basically, describing about how much money they make, what their spending habits are typically like, and what kind of stresses they go through. I found it interesting, because it mentioned the "single, no children" stage, which is technically where I would fall. (The next stage up was like ages 24-30, married with small children; that’s not me haha). As I was reading through how much it mentioned getting excited about making big purchases with their newly-found income, credit card frenzy, and even depression over debt, I really did not feel like I related much to this stage. Until I read parts of the very last paragraph. "Many reevaluate their spending habits, weighing how much they have earned over the past few years against how much they have to show for it. Usually this reevaluation takes place when the single person starts thinking about getting married." This was true. Very true. And then the last part mentions that despite the reevaluation, most in this stage fail to adequately prepare, because they get married already buried in a bunch of debt. This made my heart soar, because if there is nothing else that Adonai and I have been able to do well with marriage preparations, we at least can be happy about the fact that he has no debt, and I have very little debt.

Then there was another article from Harper about in-laws and the role they play for a newly married couple. It also talked a lot about how newly married couples can handle their in-laws well, too! So Mom and Dad, don’t be surprised if I send you this article just after January 9^th. ;) Haha.

In Harper's article about in-laws, I feel like President Kimball's quote summed it up best for me: "Frequently, people continue to cleave unto their mothers and their fathers. . . .Sometimes mothers will not relinquish the hold they have had upon their children, and husbands as well as wives return to their mothers and fathers to obtain advice and counsel and to confide, whereas cleaving should be to the [spouse] in most things. . . .Couples do well to immediately find their own home, separate and apart from that of the in-laws on either side. The home may be very modest and unpretentious, but still it is an independent domicile. Your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever; you cherish their counsel; you appreciate their association; but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it. To cleave does not mean merely to occupy the same home; it means to adhere closely, to stick together."

So, first, spouses should confide and consult with their spouses. Second, it is best that they separate from their parents and have their own place of living, but of course that is based upon individual circumstances. And last, the couple should take any counsel received and discuss it between themselves and decide together. This will help them establish their own marital identity while still being loving, accepting, and appreciative of their families who helped bring them to this point.

There was a lot to this week that, in all honesty, I need to read over again and study some more. There is so much more that I would love to share and teach, but there is still so much more that I, myself, need to learn and internalize first. J

300: That We May Be One

"That We May Be One" by Elder Henry B. Eyring

Okay, so we've finished all of our really great books for the semester, but we did have the chance to read a few talks! I would like to focus more on Eyring's talk "That We May Be One" and what really hit me while reading through it and listening to it. There were so many things that I loved, and it made me ponder on the question: How do we become one in marriage?

 

It is a little unfortunate to think about the number of broken marriages there are in our world. But the main thing that caught my attention was when President Eyring said, "If we are to have unity, there are commandments we must keep concerning how we feel." Feel. That is what caught my attention. Unity is a feeling, thus the strength of unity within our marriages depends fully upon how we feel about our spouse. I don't want to say this is something I struggle with, because I think the world of Adonai; however I will be the first to admit that I do struggle to stay positive and strong while waiting on the whole visa process. What has helped me, however, is that each night I try to write something I'm grateful for about Adonai. It keeps me positive and hopeful, and it helps create that feeling of gratitude, unity, and "we're on the same team"-ness :)

Anyway,,,Eyring said that "we must forgive and bear no malice..." Again, the first thing that can create a negative feeling is contempt, holding things against your spouse. So, first and foremost, we must forgive our spouses of any wrongdoings and bear no malice toward them. We fully realize that they are not perfect, and neither are we! For goodness sake, that's part of the reason why we get married--to grow together and learn to perfect each other. We cannot reach the highest level of perfected exaltation without our companion at our side. So yes, our spouses make a lot of mistakes, but so do we. Forgiveness and charity will allow us to view our spouses as Heavenly Father sees them, treat them as such, and have that unity.

 

Now, when there is something amiss, I loved Eyring's wise advice: "An inspired, loving rebuke can be an invitation to unity." It will likely be very humbling, but that's okay. Humility (a broken heart and a contrite spirit) is what brings about changes in our nature. Throughout our marriages, we will notice things that, as a couple or individually, we can all work on. If it is something you really want to work at, talk about it with your spouse! But make sure it is "inspired [and] loving." It will become a goal for the both of you, and it will draw you nearer to each other.

300: This Topic is Almost Awkwardly Perfect...

Awkwardly perfect. Why, you might ask? Because this week in my Marriage 300 class, we focused primarily on fidelity and physical intimacy. Kind of oddly perfect, considering the fact that I have T-minus 40ish days before I say two very important words: I DO. (January 9th, everyone. Be there or be square, just saying haha). Not only did I learn mounds of interesting concepts and information, but my eyes were opened a little more about both of these topics.

I think we all have a fairly good idea how fidelity is all about, but there was one concept that really peaked my interest. In a couple of talks it was referred to as "spiritual fidelity," but I the title of "emotional fidelity" seemed to fit better for me.

We've all heard the scripture verse in Matthew Chapter 5, verse 28:

"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

Being emotionally faithful to our spouses is just as important as being physically faithful. Unfortunately, emotional infidelity can start out with something innocent and seemingly harmful--helping befriend someone, helping in missionary work, working together on a project, etc. All of these things are wonderful and Christlike, but if done alone with someone of the opposite sex could lead to other little things that turn into big things. The infidelity slowly continues to going out to lunch with that person, continual conversations, inside jokes. And then you slowly start noticing how "this guy is just so great with kids; I wish my husband were more like that..."

Worrying about those little things truly stress me out, but it is important to know them so that you can recognize the signs in yourself if it ever happens. Just be careful and follow the Spirit, is all.

The other talk that I absolutely loved just made me want to do a fist pump in the air and shout for joy. It was called "Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage" by Brother Sean E. Brotherson. He shared his story about getting ready for marriage and all of his questions he had about his first honeymoon night! He had lots of questions and was unsure of how to find the answers! He said: 

"Yet I did know that there were answers available, and so I began a rather intensive and self-administered educational seminar in understanding sexual intimacy in marriage. Luckily, I accepted as true the scriptural admonition that we ought to “seek learning” on matters of ignorance “out of the best books” and that we ought to “teach one another words of wisdom” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:118). Even about sexual intimacy? Let me answer that question affirmatively. Of course. God would not be very kind, in my opinion, if He were to create the means and the affection for married couples to express love to each other sexually, yet deny us the opportunity to gain the learning and wisdom we need to find fulfillment and mutual joy in this critical aspect of married life. So, I started reading books and asking questions.

Can I just quickly go on a tangent and say two things? Since we're just finishing up Thanksgiving weekend, here are two things I'm grateful for: My marriage classes, which have forced me to dive in deep about subjects such as sexual intimacy that I never would have studied before. AND my siblings and family and all they've taught me! Hahaha. I must admit that even though most sex conversations in our family are typically humorous ones, you all have still been extremely open haha. Which, yes, I am actually grateful, because I feel far more prepared for all of the sudden changes that come with saying "I do."

ANYWAY! Brotherson talked about four different pitfalls of sexual fulfillment in marriage.

Ignorance
Inhibition
Ill Will
Infidelity

I think we all pretty well know what infidelity is about. Obviously infidelity is going to bring about a lack of sexual (and emotional, spiritual, etc.) fulfillment in marriage!

IGNORANCE: Simply put, we have permission to seek out answers about sexual fulfillment in marriage. It seems like the only knowledge we are given before marriage is what we are taught from the world and our peers, OR the powerful warnings of the prophets about not having sex until marriage. So what do we naturally think when we're walking down the isle? "...Well...Now what?!" We shouldn't be ignorant. We need to recognize and help our children recognize that it is okay to talk about sex in a respectful manner, and we should understand the gift and blessing it is to us from our Heavenly Father. I feel like having the extra knowledge would make that first honeymoon night a bit less frightening and confusing...(But, I mean, what do I know? I'm still not married yet haha.)

Ignorance also means not being ignorant about sexual intimacy in marriage, as well. We need to communicate honestly, directly, and openly to understand each other and figure out how to fulfill each other's needs.

INHIBITION: Let me just define inhibition real quick, because I thought I knew what it meant...Until I had to relate it to sexual intimacy haha. "A feeling that makes one self-conscious and unable to act in a relaxed and natural way." Once I read that, it made a lot more sense. Some people struggle with feeling either inadequate or unwholesome, especially on that first honeymoon night. I often think that the Law of Chastity is taught in a context far too negative. I feel like many focus on the strictness about NOT having sex before marriage, so it scares people and makes them think that sex is a bad thing. We should be teaching the youth that we SHOULD have sex--but not until after marriage. I love how President Harold B. Lee explains the importance of sexual intimacy in marriage: It is a "holy impulse for a holy purpose." It not only creates a family, but it brings spouses together as "one flesh." It needs to be viewed as a special gift, so special that you should only want to share it with one person, under the right circumstance, and at the right time.

Inhibition also kind of goes back to ignorance and learning to communicate "in a relaxed and natural way" (honestly, directly, and openly) to be able to understand each other. Communication is vital, especially if one or the other feels inadequate, uncomfortable, or unwholesome. There's no way that singing on stage in front of lots of people is fun or fulfilling if you're feeling inadequate or uncomfortable; same goes for in the bedroom, my friends.

ILL WILL: "'Ill will' is a catch-all term for emotional or verbal abuse, inattentiveness, apathy, isolation, anger, or other forms of negativity that couples may practice and thus perpetuate a cycle of ill feeling and willful hurt in a marriage relationship. No aspect of marriage is more sensitive to emotional upheaval than the sexual relationship. An angry word will pour cold water on a spouse's romantic 'on' switch more quickly than you can imagine, while a meaningful apology can pave the way to a gentle invitation toward intimacy."

I couldn't have put it any better. If you're unhappy in everyday life with your spouse, you're probably unhappy in your sex life, as well. If your spouse is nasty and mean that day, you probably aren't feeling very "turned on" right? And vice versa! Challenges in fulfilling needs in sexual intimacy can cause unhappiness in everyday life, too. This is where charity comes in again. The purpose of sex is not to fulfill our own sexual needs; it is to show our spouses true love, serve them, and fulfill their needs. In turn, they will be grateful and want to serve you in the same way. It requires us to put someone else completely before our own selves to better our relationship.

ALRIGHTY, EVERYONE! That's it for this week. I know, you're probably all gawking with your mouths hanging open or your eyebrows up high in surprise about the fact that the baby of the family just went on this huge rant about sex. BUT, whatever, it is what it is; I learned a ton and actually enjoyed learning about it haha. Super interesting! And very helpful for many years to come, I'm sure. ;)

300: "Love is not a happy accident; it is a choice."

I can't count how many times I have said to someone, with complete assurance that it is 100% true, that happiness is a choice. Happiness is my choice; it is my passion. I love being happy, even though I sometimes struggle with unhappiness. I'm not perfect--especially when I'm stressed out, working full-time, studying full-time, trying to get visa paperwork done, and attempting to plan a decent wedding. Let's just say that sometimes stress overtakes the blissful happiness. BUT...That "blissfulness" will alllll return after January 9th, right?!

Right!...For a while haha. Obviously I'm not married (yet), so I don't fully understand that whole newly-wed bliss concept and how it slowly (or quickly?) dims. However, yes, I have heard of it, and it does make sense. Now this is where one of my favorite overly-discussed church topics comes in...

Charity

Yup. That's right. Christlike love. I truly think I love this topic so much because charity and many hours I spent on my knees on cold, cement floors literally saved my sanity and life. This is why I have such an appreciation for prayer and charity...Missions. Dang. They are hard. Amazing and full of the best miracles and moments of my life, but they push you to your limits. If you are willing to submit yourself humbly to the will of the Lord and CHANGE for the better, you will come home a different person. You will learn amazing blessings, and charity (and striving to have charity) was one of the best-learned lessons on my mission.

There is always "that companion" who was given to you to teach you patience and love. I had almost no problems with the majority of my companions, but I cannot express to you the mental and emotional and physical pain I went through trying to understand this companion of mine and learn to love her. I cannot count how many hours I spent on those cement floors, in tears, begging to know what to do, how to love her, and how to not hurt. I spent 5.5 out of those 6 weeks suffering and feeling mentally uneasy. It would be useless to try and tell you how many hours I spent begging for charity to truly love her, learn from her, and be able to end that transfer on a positive note...

I love that companion; I can honestly and truthfully say that I love her, and I will give her the biggest hug the day I get to see her again. I may not agree with her on some things, but I learned so much from her, and the greatest thing she ever taught me was charity. I learned from her that I can learn to love anyone. Everyone. It may not be easy, but I know I can.

So how on earth does this relate to marriage?

Again, I am still unmarried, but I know that every single couple will come to a point and ask themselves, "Did I really make the right choice? Was I supposed to marry him/her?" And in some unfortunate circumstance, maybe things just were not supposed to work out. But I know that as long as both spouses try to see the big picture and strive to have charity, even the long-lost love can be found. Even those feelings which have been buried and hidden under so much garbage, anger, fights, and frustrations--even those can be restored. It may require some time to just sit quietly and silently beg for help to love your spouse, but it will come. It might be 5.5 weeks later than you would have liked it to be, but it will come.

"Love is not a happy accident; it is a choice."

-H. Wallace Goddard

300: "Putteth off the natural man"

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." Mosiah 3:19

So this week, we studied one of my least favorite attributes a person can have. Yet, amazingly, this is an attribute that we ALL have. There is a talk titled "Agency and Anger" by Elder Lynn G. Robbins, and although anger is the attribute that I don't handle well in other people, this talk gave me a lot to think about. It not only made me think of how anger from someone else affects us, but more so it helped me realize that anger is linked perfectly with agency. Anger is a choice. For some, it is far more difficult to NOT choose anger, whereas other people find it easier to not get riled up and hot-headed.

I chose the verse in Mosiah, because anger is part of the "natural man" deep inside us. We are carnal creatures, but as we progress and yield to enticings of the Spirit, we are able to put the carnal, sensual, imperfect traits of ours behind us. Sure, they can come creeping up on us pretty quick, but in the end, we always have a choice. And sometimes, the choice may simply be a matter of respect. Why might I say that? Let me give an example...

Your boss at work does something to you that absolutely drives you nuts and frustrates you. Regardless, you probably aren't going to go storm into his office, toss around a few accusations and mean words. Now if you were at home and your husband/wife did the exact same thing as your boss had done to you, you would be more likely to let those angry colors show in one way or another. In either situation, though, there is always a higher road. You shouldn't just ignore it, nor should you go on a rant rage. We should respond with grace by discussing the problem calmly with both your boss and your spouse.

Now when it came to textbook readings, this week we focused mainly on problems/issues within a marriage. Every marriage is different, and each person is an individual who brings to the table funny quirks or strange habits. Sometimes this can cause friction between the couple! What we need to realize is that there are two types of problems: resolvable and perpetual. Problems that can be solved require GOOD communication. Using soft start-ups, repair attempts, compromise, and tolerance of another's imperfections.

The second type of problem is a little more complicated, but at the same time, it really isn't. It simply requires patience. These are problems that simply can't be solved. At times is can be difficult to tell the difference, but to make it somewhat simple without ranting on and on forever, solvable problems are often situational. It occurs only at specific times, such as one spouse speeding, and the other not liking it. Supposedly the spouse has to speed, because the other one takes so long getting ready in the morning. Yet the other one takes so long getting ready in the morning, because the spouse doesn't put their dishes away after breakfast...Yada yada yada. So this may require time for GOOD communication, tolerance, and COMPROMISE.

Perpetual problems are usually ones that are just part of who we are. This may refer to those quirks and strange habits each person has. With perpetual problems, it will always help to see these quirks in lighter sense with some humor. Don't let it become a cause of friction if it doesn't have to be. Sometimes you're just going to have to live with the fact that your spouse is one who needs that closeness and physical affection, whereas you are one who is not that way. Be patient. Make compromises. Love them despite the little, annoying things. Find humor and love in the quirk. :)

300: "How was your day, Honey?"

Oh my heavens, there was so much that I loved this week from my marriage class! And I still can't seem to be able to sum it all up as well as I hope to. Nevertheless, I will try!

Since I didn't get a chance to write about Gottman last week and his seven principles to make marriage work, let me go over them!

Principle 3: Turn toward Each Other Instead of Away

Have you ever looked back on a conversation with your spouse about yard plans, issues with a vehicle, or maybe just a scuff on a wall in the house? And after thinking about this conversation, have you ever thought to yourself, "WOW...My marriage must look really boring for an outsider..." Sometimes I think back on a conversation and wonder how on earth we started the conversation about wedding colors and ended up on needing a new pair of boots. If you find yourself turning toward each other in these seemingly meaningless moments, there's a good chance your marriage is thriving.

You see, these times of "useless chit-chat" is kind of the glue that holds a marriage together. If we can't turn toward our spouse and respond to the little daily things such as "Johnny puked twice today" or "I had a terrible dream last night," how can we ever expect to be able to know how to respond to the big important things like, "Honey, I was let go at work today"?

So, my invitation is to take interest in the little things! For example: Folding laundry together, grocery shopping together, running errands together, talking/reading a book together, playing games together, driving to work together, paying bills together, etc. etc. etc.!! Enjoy the little moments :)

But you want to know what the most important thing is??

"How was your day??"

Yes. A question as simple as that can do wonders. It helps everyone be able to talk about their day and manage any stress outside of the marriage. Utilizing this simple, everyday question allows us to shed some of that stress and not let it "spill over" in our relationships or marriages. HOWEVER, there are a few key points that can help in this conversation. There are eight points that Gottman mentions to help us:

1. Take turns. Each person gets the chance to be "the complainer," while the other listens.
2. Don't give unsolicited advice. We ALL know how annoying it is when we're venting about a frustrating situation, and the other person tries to "fix it" for you by offering advice, when all you really wanted was a listening ear.
3. Show genuine interest. Acknowledge that you're listening and show interest by nodding your head, keep eye contact, ask questions...All that good stuff. :)
4. Communicate your understanding. Validate what they said and let them know you understand. Empathize!
5. Take your spouse's side. Always. Be supportive, even if it may seem unreasonable at the time. "Don't side with the opposition--this will make you spouse resentful or dejected....The point isn't to be dishonest. It's just that timing is everything." At this time, your job is to empathize.
6. Express a "we against others" attitude. This kind of goes along with number 5. Be a team, and let your spouse know that you are in this together.
7. Express affection. This one is easy. Just do it, everyone likes a huge and kiss or two.
8. Validate emotions. This also kind of goes back to number 4; let your spouse know that what they are saying makes sense to you, and that you understand.

Principle 4: Let Your Partner Influence You

This one doesn't require anything too difficult...Sort of. ;) It is far easier said than done. This basically comes down to: BE WILLING TO NEGOTIATE. Women tend to do better at this, but that's not always true. This does not mean that we have to be "whipped," rather we just need to be willing to "give and take." To sum this up, let me share a short story:

"Jack was considering buying a used blue Honda. The car seemed like a great deal since the seller, Phil, had only owned it for a month. The car was for sale because Phil's company was suddenly transferring him to London. Jack liked the car's handling and power, not to mention the state-of-the-art sound system. He was ready to do a deal, but first, he told Phil, he wanted  a mechanic to check the car. 'Why?' said Phil. 'It's really a new car. It only has three hundred miles, and you get the manufacturer's warranty.'

'True,' said Jack, 'but I promised my wife I wouldn't buy a car without having it inspected first.'

Phil gave Jack a withering look. 'You let your wife tell you what to do about care?' he asked.

'Sure,' said Jack. 'Don't you?'

'Well, no. I don't--didn't. I'm divorced,' said Phil.

'Well,' Jack chuckled. 'Maybe that's why.'

Jack had the car checked by his mechanic, and it turned out that the rear bumper needed to be replaced, so he never bought Phil's car. But more importantly, he never bought Phil's attitude toward women. Jack has made his wife a partner in his decision making. He respects and honors his wife and her opinions and feeling. He understands that for his marriage to thrive, he has to share the driver's seat."

*Let me just make a note that this goes for both husband AND wife! Perhaps women tend to do better at this, but we always have to be careful and make sure we are letting our spouses influence us, too.*

300: Goddard and Gottman

I suppose I should clarify who exactly Goddard and Gottman are, huh?

H. Wallace Goddard is the author of one of my textbooks for my Marriage 300 class; his book is called "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage: Eternal Principles that Change Relationships."

Dr. John M. Gottman is the other author I mention very frequently from his book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work."

There has been SO much this week from both of these books, I truly do NOT know where to start! If I could, I would just make copies of all of the questions and quizzes and activities to give to you all, because they are super interesting and way fun to do! Adonai is a good sport, because he lets me test all of the activities and questions on him. :D I feel like he enjoys it as much as I do, but who knows? He could just be trying to be patient and endure it all haha.

So I just want to kind of summarize a little bit of what I've loved and learned from this last week, and hopefully it can be something beneficial to others as well! The first part from Goddard is more gospel-focused, while Gottman is not religious (I'll try and include Gottman's insights tomorrow in another post, because this one is plenty long!)

GODDARD:

This week we read chapter three of his book, which focused on faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and how it helps our marriages. There are three principles I want to focus on...

First: Replacing evil with goodness. "It is not enough to cast out evil. We need more. We have vibrant, light-filled life when Jesus lifts us up. And Jesus lifts us up when we focus our souls on Him....It takes faith in the Lord Jesus Christ to remove evil from our marriages and bring them to vibrant life (page 57)."

Obviously we are all going to have our negative days every now and then, and we may find ourselves thinking negatively about our spouses. This is normal occasionally. However if this becomes a habit, your ideas and perceptions about your spouse will soon change, too. So we need to get rid of that negative thought first, but that's not enough. Again, "it is not enough to cast our evil. We need more." We need to replace that negative thought with a good one. After having said something negative, have you ever been told to say three positive things? That's exactly what I'm talking about! But be genuine about it, or else you're just running your mouth and digging a bigger hole.

Second: Put God first. I don't know if I have ever mentioned this in my blog, but I know I've written about it several times in my personal journal. "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." President Ezra Taft Benson said that many years ago. I can't even begin to explain the impact this quote has had on my life. There was a certain point about a year or so ago when I was just downright confused and unsure of where to go or what next step I should take in my life. I was so worried about it, and I could find no comfort or solace. One Sunday, I heard that quote during a Gospel Doctrine class, and I liked it; it was simple and true. Then I heard it again in Relief Society! I thought to myself, "Huh...That's interesting. Same quote. I really like it." Then when my doubts and confusion came to a peak, I sat myself down with my scriptures and books and decided to study. Out of my scriptures fell that same quote on a little piece of paper that I had cut out years ago while I was living with Trista in California.

I can't express how much of a difference this has made for me, especially in the last year. Whether you're having troubles with finances, jobs, family, or just feeling "out of touch," putting God first is where you will find peace, comfort, and answers. As long as we are putting God first, He will have our willing hearts to lead and guide in the direction he wants to take us.

As a fun "coincidence" (that's a lie, I don't believe in coincidences, especially not when it comes to putting God first and running into Adonai. :P ), here's a little story for you...When I had that crazy Sunday of hearing this quote three times, like I said, I was really confused about what I should be doing or what to do next. Well, I decided to put God first and refocus my scripture studies and prayers, annnnd less than two months later, I "run into" Adonai at church. :) Although this is NOT what I was expecting as a "next step," I definitely wouldn't ever choose any other path. :)

Third: Eternal Perspective. I know I have mentioned this before when I wrote about temple marriages, but when our faith in Jesus Christ is strong, we are better able to overlook the little things and have an eternal perspective. I know hard times and trials are in store for me. For all of us, in fact. We all are going to come upon challenges; that is the purpose of this life. "And we will prove them (try them) herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them." (Abraham 3:25). But as we keep our faith in Christ, He will enable us to remember that there is a purpose for every trial, and we will always grow from our trials. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. We are not passing through these trials by chance; it is all part of a plan much bigger than we will ever be able to comprehend.

300: Nurturing Your Fondness and Admiration

So for this week, I just want to share my experience with one of Gottman's acitivities from Chapter 4: "Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration"! The point of this chapter was to stop focusing on the little negative aspects of your partner and focusing yourself on the good qualities they have. The same qualities that you found in them that made you want to marry them in the first place.

I have to admit that the activity I chose to do with Adonai brought about surprising results haha. This was the first activity to nurture fondness and admiration; it was called "I Appreciate . . ." In Gottman's book, he gives a list of 72 positive adjectives. Both Adonai and I were to choose three that we felt described the other person. Then we were to come up with an incident when they portrayed that adjective.

In case you don't know our story, Adonai and I were able to really get to know each other by basically quizzing one another! We just went back and forth with questions--some were silly ones, others were deep and personal. This allowed us to open up to each other in ways I never imagined. We often still do this, but now we don't seem to have quite as much free time as we used to haha. Regardless, I wasn't sure how "excited" Adonai was going to be about doing this with me, even though he is always so willing to help me with my homework. Well, I'll just say that he knocked my socks off! He's pretty wonderful, I can't deny that whatsoever. :)

We both went through the list, and it was hard to just choose three. But we both managed to narrow it down. Adonai suggested we go one-by-one, trading off to share. Of course, I was nominated to start haha. I won't go into detail about our conversation, but I do want to list the adjectives we chose, becauuuse I really loved it. :) For Adonai, I chose the adjectives: Strong (physically, mentally, spiritually, etc.), Reliable, and Affectionate. The words that Adonai chose for me actually really surprised me, but he was so sincere in everything he said. For me, Adonai chose the adjectives: Brave, , and Vulnerable (sharing personal and deep thoughts/experiences with him). I was absolutely floored, but even more than that, I felt so grateful and appreciative for Adonai and the mutual respect and love we have for one another. Living so far apart for an extended time is difficult and challenging, but it has allowed us to grow in ways that we never could have before.

Considering the fact that I tend to have a negative outlook on most things, I can testify to the fact that negativity is cancerous. It can bring us down in an instant. But more than that, I testify of the power of positivism, the power of positive thinking. Each night I try and write Adonai a short message, letting him know of one thing I love or appreciate about him. Even if I'm feeling negative, as I focus on being sincere, my whole attitude changes. May we see the positives in our partners and have Christlike love and charity towards them. "Thee lift me and I lift thee, and together we will ascend." (Ancient proverb)

300: Marriage Myths & Determining Divorce

So this week in my Marriage class, I swear my vocabulary doubled. Our "textbook" for the class is a book by John M. Gottman, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." It has been so been eye-opening and helpful for me, especially considering the fact that the reality of marriage is getting closer and closer. :D (NOT complaining! Only patiently waiting!)

So this John Gottman guy is pretty intelligent I would say. Not to mention the fact that he has studied marriage and divorce patterns for well over 15 years. Once upon a time, he was one of those marriage counselors that helps people try and resolve their marriages. Also once upon a time, he used to suggest that good communication can save any marriage. He taught people about beginning their sentences with "I" instead of "you," so that you don't sound as though you are accusing your spouse of something (which I never fully could get a hang of, because I still knew deep down that I WAS accusing them or complaining about them; I just managed to flip the sentence around is all.) Gottman also used to teach couples "active listening" and "validating your partner" by truly listening and then rephrasing what they said to make sure you've understood. He used to teach ALL of that...And then he decided to go back and do his own research on marriages. Why? Because even then, maybe half of his clients were ever able to resolve their conflicts and save their marriages. Almost 50% wasn't considered good success by him.

Now, after many years of studying couples close up in "love labs" (a lab set up like a home with the ability to record and study couples in this lab) and studying their conflict-resolution patterns and physiological responses and interviewing them...I think he has found some pretty good hypotheses and helpful answers. This week we read the first couple of chapters, but we haven't quite gotten into the seven specific principles for making marriage work. Instead, I've read about some factors that can help determine divorce. We need to know these, so that we can detect them in ourselves and learn to overcome them or change them! And just as a precursor: I'm no professional or anything, I'm simply doing my best to sum up a few points that I loved and know will help me. I 100% suggest that you buy the book and read it; it is surprisingly interesting!

Before I mention a few things that can determine divorce, I want to write a little bit about one handy tool that successful marriages DO have. Let it just be said that CONFLICT, in and of itself, is not a bad thing in marriage. It is unavoidable. The way you handle the conflict and overcome it, however, can determine a happy marriage. So this one tool is called a "repair attempt". Let me sum up the example that Gottman provides. Take Olivia and Nathaniel--a happily married couple, good friendship, "positive sentiment override" (their positive feelings between each other heavily override any negative ones, so they can easily look over little hiccups), a four-year-old son, and they are in the middle of buying a new house AND car. The new house is decided on already, but the car is the hot topic as of late. Olivia wants a minivan, but Nathaniel does not want to be part of "that group." Instead, he wants a Jeep. In one of the Love Labs, Nathaniel and Olivia are in the middle of a heated discussion about which car to buy. "The more they talk about it, the higher the decibel gets. If you were a fly on the wall of their bedroom, you would have serious doubts about their future together. Then all of a sudden, Olivia puts her hands on her hips and, in perfect imitation of their four-year-old son, sticks out her tongue. Since Nathaniel knows that she's about to do this, he sticks out his tongue first. Then they both start laughing. As always, this silly contest defuses the tension between them."

What both Nathaniel and Olivia both used is the repair attempt. "This name refers to any statement or action--silly or otherwise--that prevents negativity from escalating out of control." For me, personally, I've seen/used statements like "Okay, I'm done, this is getting more tense than it should be. I'm getting stressed. Let's save this for another day." Adonai tends to use "Tranquilaaa" or just weird faces or noises to throw me off and lighten up the conversation. It works wonderfully well! I prefer the funny ones, because the laughter gets me calmed down again instead of turning my fast heart-beated stress into never-ending worry.

OKAY! Last thing I want to write about that I LOVE...Or love to learn about, at least haha. These are called "The Four Horsemen"; they are four kinds of negativity that, if uncontrolled, can destroy any relationship.

1) Criticism. This is different than a complaint, let this be known! We can complain and say, "Honey, it really annoys me that you left your clothes on the floor RIGHT next to the laundry hamper again." You are complaining about the action itself. A criticism is when you begin to attack your spouse's character or personality. Saying that they are lazy and inconsiderate for not putting the clothes in the laundry hamper is a criticism. You are looking to be nasty and mean.

2) Contempt. This is conveying disgust towards your partner. Negative and mocking sarcasm or cynicism. Sneering, hostile humor. This tells your partner that you dislike them and disrespect them on so many levels. "Contempt is fueled by long-simmering negative thoughts about your partner." Resolve your differences! Don't let them set and build.

3) Defensiveness. Although we think this will help us and might cause the attacking spouse to back down and calm down a bit, it hardly has that effect. This, in a sense, "is really a way of blaming your partner." You are saying, "Well I didn't wash the car, because I didn't have the cash on me." (Implying that it was your spouse's fault, because your spouse--who manages the money perhaps--didn't give you the money in the first place."

4) Stonewalling. Sorry, men, but it turns out you all are much more likely to do this. This is basically tuning out. For couples that have a lot of contempt and criticism, a spouse is likely to begin to stonewall, because they want to emotionally disengage themselves from all the hate that is being thrown at them. You are avoiding the fight, basically. Unfortunately, by disengaging and avoiding the fight, you are also disengaging and avoiding your marriage.

You GUYS! There are so many interesting things in this book! I wish I had time to explain "flooding" and "positive/negative sentiment override" and all the other signs that lead to divorce. For now, I hope this has been sufficient. It has truly helped me ponder on my relationships with all people and how I treat others.

300: Why I Strive for a Temple Marriage

This week in my Marriage class for my Marriage & Family Studies major, we focused a lot on the differences between a contract marriage, also known as a civil marriage, and a covenant marriage, what is also known as a temple marriage to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I must start out saying that this class is opening my eyes and helping me prepare for marriage in ways I never imagined. Also, it is not only helping me prepare for marriage, but also for parenthood. It is helping me figure out what I hope for in my marriage and family, and how I can fight against anything that might try and destroy my marriage.

Obviously, this topic is near and dear to heart for several reasons. One, the marriage of my parents and how it has affected me. Two, the marriages of my siblings, and how their families (my brother in-laws, nieces, nephews, etc.) have made such a profound impact on my life. Third, the family of Adonai, and their cherished words and pieces of advice given to me about marriage. And last, but certainly not least, the awaited time for when I get to marry Adonai.

I realize that I have lots of friends, family, peers, and coworkers who aren't very familiar with what we refer to as a "temple marriage" or the benefits of it. So with the help of some divine guidance in my words hopefully, this my attempt at explaining it all very simply. :)

There are temples all over the world; there are well over 100 temples! This one in the first two photos is in Seattle! The closest one to me currently is in the Tri-Cities, though.

Seattle LDS Temple

Buenos Aires, Argentina LDS Temple

And the most well-known temple is this one:

Salt Lake City Temple

Many things happen in the temple, but our main purpose there is to learn, make covenants (promises) with God, and help others make those promises. When speaking of a temple marriage, for me, the main difference is that the temple marriage is not just between the man and woman and state. Yes, we have that paper, as well, but as husband and wife, we aren't joined together "until death do us part". We are sealed together for time and all eternity. Getting into heaven is not free, nor is it easy. It requires some effort on our part and some vital ordinances and covenants. And for me, heaven wouldn't be quite so "heavenly" if I didn't have my family with me. I don't want to be there alone. I want to know that after this life, I will get to have my husband and family with me. Forever. So a temple marriage is a covenant (promise) between the husband, wife, and God. As long as my husband and I fulfill these promises faithfully, God will keep his promise to us. We can be exalted and live in His presence with Him, Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost, AND our families forever.

I know that these covenants are sacred and important. I understand the importance of a civil marriage and the binding contracts it is, but I want the blessings of a temple marriage and the sealing promise that comes with it, too. I believe in forever families. I know these things to be true, and I will continue to strive every day to make them true for me and my future family.

"So how'd you guys meet??"

Sorry for leaving everyone with a cliffhanger about the tall, dark, and handsome Mexican! I figured that post was plenty long. :P I still haven't even posted photos yet! Whew...OKAY!

So on April 19th is when this good-looking Hispanic came strutting into church, all clean cut, still looking like a missionary basically. The minute I walked into the Gospel Principles class, I recognized him right off the bat. Elder Salomón!

He served in the Washington Spokane Mission as a missionary! I happened to meet him on Preparation Days for the missionaries during my last month before heading to Argentina on MY mission. I was taking the sister missionaries to Moses Lake and spending the day with all the missionaries there. Elder Salomón was serving as the zone leader in Moses, and his amazing volleyball skills impressed me! Turns out he finished his mission and was headed back to Mexico City on the exact same day that I would be reporting to the Missionary Training Center (MTC). We never thought to stay in contact, honestly. But I do remember clearly thinking, "Dang. He's way awesome and fun. He had a BYU Volleyball t-shirt on, so maybe he plays volleyball there. That would likely be the only place I'd ever run into him again...Bummer. Oh well." :) I stopped thinking about it, he finished his mission, and I left for Utah/California/Argentina! But before leaving on that last p-day, we had to take a photo!

Now, without the name tag, he is better known as Adonai. Out of my excitement, I walk up to him, shake his hand, and say, "Tanto tiempo!" (Basically "It's been a while!") He looks at me with this somewhat occupied and surprised look (can you blame him? He was surrounded by like five other girls haha) and replies, "Sí, y ahora hablas español..." I think I asked him a couple of questions about when he got here and how long he'd be staying, which he kindly responded. I noticed the five or so girls around him, especially the one sticking right close to him, and I realized class would be starting soon, so I said bye and went and sat down next to Sydnee, my friend. During the class, I glanced back to where he was sitting (out of PURE curiosity, I swear! Haha maybe...), and I noticed again the girl next to him and saw her arm weaved through his, and she was resting her head on his shoulder. Hmph. Cool. No big deal. I just assumed he had come back to visit for her.

Well as class got out, I made my way over to another friend (we found out we're 4th cousins...CRAZY!). I may have headed that direction because Rhoan (my 4th cousin and also Sydnee's boyfriend) happened to be talking with Adonai in Spanish. I'll never pass up the chance to speak in Spanish! Not to mention the fact that this was the first time I'd seen Adonai being trailed by any girl haha. :D So we talked a bit about my mission and such, what he had been up to, little stuff. Y'know. The usual ;) Well out walks this other girl again, and he was going to be taking her home and having dinner with her family. So we went to say bye, but since we're both so used to the "latino way" of saying 'hello' and 'goodbye', that's how we did it! A kiss on the cheek and a good hug. :) Needless to say, my heart melted. I missed that so much from Argentina, and it made me miss that loving and open and fun culture.

Anyway, shortly after, I headed home. About 5 miles before getting into town, I look at my phone and see a missed call...From Mexico. I was so confused. (I have now come to figure out that my phone marks these calls wrong, they're actually from WGU out of Utah. Yes, I know, weird mistake). At the time, there were only two possible people I knew from Mexico who would ever call me. An elder from my mission, but I quickly decided it wasn't him since he was living in Utah and would have used his Utah phone. I quickly came to the conclusion that I should message Adonai Salomón on Facebook and ask if he tried calling me. (Talking about it later, he totally thought I was just looking for excuses to talk to him haha. Not true, but I wasn't about to complain, either haha). Well it turned out that Adonai owns a U.S. phone, so no, he didn't call me. Still confused, I just decided to drop it...But, smart guy, he decided to get a conversation going. Long story short, he asked what was going on for Family Home Evening in Moses Lake the following day. It was, PERFECTLY, volleyball. :)

(NOTE: After talking about this again later on with Adonai, turns out he actually didn't even KNOW who I was when I talked to him that Sunday! Hahaha. He recognized me, but he wasn't totally sure. While we were talking on Facebook he finally figured it out! It still makes me laugh to this day haha.)

So the next day, April 20th, we played some volleyball! We were playing on opposing teams for a little bit, and he was obviously the stand-out player with the most experience haha. But after a bit we sat down and talked just a little bit. There was an extra volleyball off to the side, so I went and got it and tossed it to Adonai. (I swear, I am NOT the flirting type. I'm not sure why I was so comfortable with just going up and talking with him and pulling him aside from everyone else to play a little volleyball just him and I haha). But I am SO glad I did! Obviously ;) We did our best to talk while laughing and playing together, but obviously FHE was coming to an end. We helped to put things away, and he was about to be picked up by another family that he was going to visit and take a trip with. So I went and said bye (another kiss on the cheek and a good hug! :P ), and we went our separate ways...I'll admit it. I was bummed that I didn't know when I'd get to see or talk to him again...

I knew he was headed out on a week-long trip with the other family, so I decided to not think too much about it. Besides, I didn't want to be annoying and text him a ton, so after that night, I didn't!...But what do you know! The next morning I get a few messages from him. I knew he was off touring places and sight-seeing, so I didn't reply much. But he continued to send me photos of what they were doing and everything! I thought...What the heck, I'm not going to worry about annoying him. Next thing I know, we're setting up a date to go canoeing on the lake and eating Mexican food for that first day in May, a Friday afternoon, since I didn't work on Fridays...I may have mentioned being bummed that I'd have to wait so long to go canoeing...I think he was getting the hint that I kinda sorta REALLY liked this tall, dark, and handsome Mexican ;) So instead of waiting another week and a half or so, we planned to go to an FHE at a member's house on the 27th of April. Well...Sadly, I had to cancel. I had to stay way late at work for some volunteer thing I signed up for, but I told him I'd still go and visit after! Even if it was already 8:45 at night..."You mean you'd come here to visit for a whole 30-45 minutes and then drive back another 40 minutes to your house?" He asked me...Okay, it didn't make sense, no. But I totally would have gone! Instead, I invited him to go to Institute with me the next day! :D

I showed up to the Willard's house for the first time ever, which is where he was staying. (BEST. Family. Ever...Aside from my own haha...) They had practically adopted Adonai haha. Well I get there about 6 pm, and they invite me inside to eat dinner, which I had not been planning on. It was a little awkward for me, I'll admit haha. Just Mom and Dad Willard, Adonai, and I. But it was fine. :) After eating, Adonai and I headed out. We had some time before institute started, so we stopped by the Japanese Garden. Took a stroll, sat on the grass, talked, laughed. He already knew I had kind of fallen for him, so he was doing his best to get me to answer questions like when did I first like him (was it when I met him as a missionary or no?) and things like that. I was only a little stubborn haha. But it was all far too natural-feeling. We were obviously extremely comfortable with one another, and it was fun.

Well we headed to institute (only a little late!), and since I still had some time afterwards, we decided we wanted to go on another walk! So we parked at the library and took a walk downtown, through a park, by the river/lake, and back to the car. We went back and forth, asking each other questions, learning more about each other and our backgrounds. It was surprisingly easy to open up to him. I stumbled over my words and tongue a LOT, and I realized I'm not very good at forming my thoughts completely haha. But I didn't mind telling him those hard things; and let me tell you, he does a GREAT job at asking the right questions! I think he figured out a lot more about me than I did about him. We weren't even officially dating, and this was technically our "first date", but we had both just came to the conclusion that we wanted to give it a shot. (For my own record: The question of the night was, "Que esperas conmigo? (What are you hoping with me?) What was I expecting out of dating him? I REALLY stumbled over my words on that! "Uhhh...get to know you better, what you're like, see how things might work between us...?" Haha. I asked him the same question...His answer, "Lo mismo, conocerte mejor, ver como eres, ver como va todo entre nosotros, y...pues si todo sale bien...formar una familia contigo."...I leave the translation up to anyone who chooses to translate it haha. I was a little stunned, yes, but I always appreciate his honesty and directness. And can you blame him? We're both returned missionaries, and that's the "next step" usually after dating. I think that's how we both came to the conclusion we'd like to give dating each other a shot. He was direct. And although I was surprised by his answer, I loved it. It helped me know and understand how serious he was.)

Now, I've always sworn that I never kiss on first dates. But as I walked into Cherlyn's house that night, Mom and Dad were sitting on the couch, and they asked how it all went. I had already explained to them about the elder who I had met and was now back visiting, and I had told them I was going to give him a ride to institute. So I told them how it went, and as I was heading to my room, my mother asks around the corner, "Well did you kiss???" My clearly responded, "YUP!" and went into my room. :)

The rest is all kind of history! Haha. I saw him again a couple days later after his class, and we went for another walk close by (neither of us like to spend money, so that's what most of our dates consisted of. :D ). On May 1st I had a softball game in Wenatchee. Mom and I went to the temple that morning. We had about an hour before my game, though, so I took Adonai to see Feather Rocks. It was a gorgeous evening, perfect for softball playing. And obviously perfect for making everything "official"!

So he manned up and officially asked me to be his girlfriend. (That still sounds weird to me, being a girlfriend haha, it had been so long!) We went to my softball game, where he sat and watched and mentioned to his family that he was dating someone. I got to talk with his dad for the first time over phone. :) For the next week or so, we continued to drive back and forth and spend time together.

The photo he sent to his family to show them his new girlfriend haha.

I think the second time Mom and Dad and Cherlyn got to meet him. :)

He had mentioned to me once that he was thinking of going back to Mexico. He said he felt like he had found what he came for and needed to go back and begin working and saving. We talked about me spending the summer in Mexico maybe; we tossed around all sorts of ideas. Now as I look back, I realize that it sounds kind of ridiculous to think that we were dating so seriously already after only a week. Well Adonai had said that maybe after a couple weeks he would head back to Mexico...Unfortunately, that "couple of weeks" turned to "Shelan...I think I'm leaving this weekend. I want to be able to surprise my mom for Mother's Day...Then later I come back, and we can go back to Mexico together if you'd like." :( It was sad, but I understood. So we made plans to head over to Tacoma on the 9th, Saturday, and stay at Grandma's that night. I was to take Adonai to the airport the next morning and then head back home for church. We arrived in Tacoma, and before heading to Grandma's, we decided to take one last walk through a Chinese garden.

He began teaching me how to dance cumbia, we took photos (obviously), and finally when we realized we were hungry, we decided to head back to the car and scout out some dinner. As we get to the car, I go to put my key in and unlock the car when I realize--it's already unlocked! I was so confused. I open the door, and I see the glovebox wide open. Right where I had placed my wallet, which was now gone. I look in the back seat, and my heart dropped. ALL of Adonai's things were gone. Everything. His backpack, his luggage, his Mexico phone, and my backpack. Literally, the only thing he had left were the clothes he was wearing, his wallet, and his U.S. phone...The only thing we could do was laugh. It was ridiculous and awful all at the same time. We had to call the police and banks to cancel cards and report what had been stolen. Then Adonai shocked me...

"Uh, amor, could you look up Delta's number? I need to cancel my flight. And visa. And passport..."

Ohhh my gosh. NO, I didn't have anyone purposely rob us, so that I could keep him longer haha. But yes, I've heard it a thousand times. And yes, the $250 cash in my wallet that got stolen was well worth being able to keep Adonai around for a while longer. :) I still don't know if he thought it was totally worth it haha, but I'm so proud of how composed he stayed. I know he was fuming and had lost so much trust in people, but he kept calm. We talked. A lot. Even more that night at Grandma's house. That sweet woman. She not only gave us beds to sleep on, a place to shower, and food to eat, but she also gave us gas money to get home, since we had none. Adonai truly amazed me, though.

It was a long, frustrating process to get him a new passport, and it took several trips back to Tacoma and Seattle. It required us to be very humbled, mostly him, since the Willard's wanted to help him out so much. (He's a guy; he likes being independent and able to do thing for himself.) Yes, he lost a lot; I only lost a few things, but we gained a good two extra months together!

In that time, we continued to deepen our relationship and make memories together. And with my family! He was brave enough to not only drive 24 hours to meet Dene', Kenny, their kids, and their brand new baby girl, but he also met BOTH of my brothers at the same time, AND slept on either a couch or in a car for two weeks! Whew. I can't even imagine. He did far too well. :) Mom even came to the conclusion that had he not stayed longer, my siblings probably never would've been able to meet him.

Trista and her wonderful family also planned a perfectly-timed trip to come and visit, so he even got to meet THEM, and they were able to see a Mexican go boating for the first time ever!

He even got to meet some more aunts, uncles, and cousins...Dang. Now that I think about it, I put him through a lot haha. He's such a good sport. :) I'll include photos in the next post!

Oh! And one of the BEST things that happened, wasss...a RING! Ignore the fact that it looks like we just woke up, because we had haha. He proposed at like 5:30 AM on July 2nd! At Feather Rocks, where he asked me to be his girlfriend. :) (To give him MAJOR credit, he wanted to ask me on the 1st out at the Feathers, and he had a great plan all figured it out...But due to moving, and my "stubbornness", I completely ruined it. I STILL totally regret it to this day...) BUT, the 2nd will just have to do. :) And since I ruined the plans, he told me we had to go out to the Feathers to see the sunrise the next day. :) Haha so I agreed. And he got on a knee and asked me the big question. :)

We were already fully into summer, and we had already begun the complicated process of putting together paperwork and evidence for his fiance visa, so that he would be able to come back and marry me! :D

Working on fiance visa paperwork together!

And finally sending it off to the USCIS!!

So instead of just sending him back to Mexico, we both flew to Texas, where we met up with his dad and two sisters and got to meet a lot of his extended family! We all drove back down to Mexico, where I was able to meet some of his extended family, come to love his immediate family, get to know his culture better, learn different foods, and absolutely cry my eyes out with Adonai at the airport when I had to come home...I spent over a month down there with them, and I can't wait to go back. It was not easy when for the first while, because of lots of new people, new Spanish slang, etc. But it made me realize what all he went through, too. I also was able to FINALLY feel confident in dancing, and I absolutely LOVE it! We went to as many dances as possible. There was even one where his sister got engaged, too! So of Oscar and Rosa's three children, two of them are now engaged and ready to get married. :) Anyway, I have tons of pictures to include in the next post, obviously. I'll tell of more experiences then!

For now...We are waiting as patiently as possible (which happens to be rather impatiently at times haha) to hear back from the National Visa Center about the status of his visa. We are so close, yet so far. There is still so much to do, but we have faith! Adonai is still in Mexico with his family and working AND studying extremely hard so that everything will be in place to come back up here to me. :) I'm still working in ISS (and, yes, I'm still loving it--most days haha) ;) and also studying Marriage and Family Studies (yes! I finally figured out what I'm doing for school! I'm still going through BYU-Idaho just all online for now so that I can work), and I'm coaching 7th grade volleyball! It's a blast, and I stay plenty busy. Adonai and I talk as much as we can on Skype and Facebook, which isn't very long at times, but we're making it work. We simply have to stay constant, keep the faith, and continue to check the mailbox every day! :D

Life Can Change In The Blink of An Eye

"At any point in your life you can walk away, fly away, drive away. You can completely change your life in an instant. If you want to."

Who would have thought that ten months would escape me as fast as they have. And who could have imagined how much life would change! Needless to say, in these last ten months, I have done all of those things mentioned in that quote.

I have walked away from bad situations, questionable relationships, and unsure educational opportunities. Yet, at the same time, I haven't gone anywhere. I have stayed in the small town of Quincy instead of heading back to college or to Chile to teach English. Of ALL of my ideas, Heavenly Father has (thanks heavens) guided me to...well, here. "Grow where you are planted." That's exactly what I'm doing! Literally. In Quincy haha.

I have flown away! To LOTS of places! Chicago, Iowa, Albuquerque, Utah, and (the best one yet) Mexico! And let me tell you...Those were some of the best trips ever. No worries, I'll go into more detail about all of this! :D

And I have definitely driven away! LOTS of trips to Moses Lake, several to Seattle/Tacoma, a couple to Rexburg, and a few more to the temples in Spokane, Tri-Cities, and Seattle. LOTS of driving.

And, best of all, I have made some drastic changes to my life. (:

(Note: To any reading this, it is rather lengthy haha. But I'm writing it more for myself to have later on, but feel free to read on! :P )

Let's start with January! I was working as a substitute para professional all through December, but I had found out that the In-School Suspension teacher from the high school was going to be moving. I worried about applying, because I wasn't planning on staying after this year. I planned on going back to Rexburg after June/July. But I decided to apply anyways with some encouragement from my boss! I had the interview, and I did mention that I wasn't planning on staying...Annnd I was NOT offered the position...But the Lord definitely has a way of making things work out in His way haha. Oddly, I was not particularly worried. They asked me to fill the position for about 2 weeks until the REAL person they hired could start. Well, they changed the work schedule. The new lady turned the job down. Sooo I was hired! And thanks heavens! Because for some odd reason, the Lord just knew I would end up sticking around here for a bit. :D

January was sort of the month where I figured it all out. I was finally feeling confident in what I would be doing (working, saving, and then heading back to school in June or so!), and I was optimistic about being strong and obedient and loving life...Also, near the end of the month, a young man walked into the picture, all the way from Tennessee.

February...So this young man came to Quincy to work for a while. I met him at institute, and he wanted to start carpooling to institute. It was pretty fun, and hanging out with him and Aleen Guerra (now Aleen Hyer!) was a blast. So we sort of began dating, but I felt extremely unsure about dating him. Especially since it was possible he would be getting sent back to Utah for work. Despite the fact that Mom and Dad loved the guy, and he was really fun, this is where I decided to walk away. Sure enough, two days after I decided to not get more involved, he was called back to Utah. Listo. Ya. Walked away. Moved on.

After reading through my journal a bit, it sounds like March was full of scripture study, personal reflections, and inner peace--knowing that I was making the right choices. Even though I wasn't 100% sure about anything at this point, I wasn't stressed out or worried. I just knew things would work out. (And, oh, how they have! :) ...) I MUST share one hilarious thing that I had gotten out of Stake Conference, though. The Stake President unexpectedly asked 3 young men who were preparing to serve missions to go up and share their testimonies. The three walk up, and the last one to share his testimony stands up and says, "So President just asked us to come up and bear our testimonies...I'm not going to lie. My eyes were closed, and I don't have my shoes on!...Good morning!" Hahahaha! We all died laughing, and everyone up on the stand immediately started busting up even more after glancing down at his feet. Sure enough! He only had socks on haha.

Also in March we moved to Cherlyn's! And I must admit that I am SO grateful that I had that chance to live with her. She may be my cousin who lives just on the other side of town, but I hardly knew her. Now as I sat next to her in church today, we giggled and chatted about life and plans. :) I love her to death. Anywho, yes. I focused a lot on scripture study and prayer during this month, wanting to make sure that I was making the right decisions. And I can't describe the peace that I felt. Something little that I wrote in my journal: "This peace does not come from the outside world, my job, institute, etc. It comes from somewhere deep inside. It is just this strong and solid, yet comfortable and quiet, assurance that everything is okay. I may not be insanely righteous and perfect, but I do my best. I may not make a lot of money; my softball team may have gotten slaughtered yesterday; I may not have all my schooling done; and I may not be married...But everything will be okay." ..I was so wise! I should take my own advice. I need that kind of patience and feeling that everything will work out in the time of the Lord! :P

This was also in the early Spring, which was when SOFTBALL STARTED! Well I was working a somewhat funky schedule (7:30-5:00, Mon-Thurs), so I went to practice for just a little bit each day, but it was worth it. Anywho, a fellow coach mentioned WGU for schooling--all online, basically. And I really liked the idea! So I looked into it, and I was going to change to Math Education, but something kept holding me back. Whether it was work, softball, or indecisiveness I'm not sure, but I did nothing with it. I just continued to research it.

Well, General Conference weekend/Spring Break in April lead me to taking a trip to Utah and Rexburg...

Driving to Seattle to go to the airport! Mom joined me for the day to go eat delicious sushi!

Probably the most beautiful shot I had ever seen on a plane...

I first spent several days with Kelsey, Keatn, and their dogs in Rexburg!

Then it was off to Salt Lake City!! I was able to see a ton of companions and even get to see and hug my amazing mission president and wife, who came all the way from Buenos Aires!

Like the pictures show, I mostly went to visit some friends. But I also wanted to make a trip to the temple there...And oddly, as I walked around campus and reacquainted myself with everything, I wasn't feeling so excited or great about the idea of returning to Rexburg. I LOVE the school, but I don't know. When I went to the temple, I got to reading a little bit. Take a read through Doctrine & Covenants 111 with the question, "Where should I go?" Especially after verse 3 haha. "Therefore, it is expedient that you should form acquaintance with men in this city, as you should be led, and as it shall be given you." Haha I just about died laughing in the temple. Well I felt I needed to stay in Quincy for a while is what I got to thinking...So I started looking into online schooling and making hints to my boss that I was thinking about sticking around for a while longer, like at least another year...

I decided that the best way to "form acquaintance with men" was by going to the Young Single Adult ward, despite the fact that I wasn't a huge fan of the idea haha. But BOY does the Lord know how to lead and guide! On probably the second or third week of attending the YSA ward, a tall, dark, and handsome Mexican had flown to Washington to visit his mission!