300: Nurturing Your Fondness and Admiration

So for this week, I just want to share my experience with one of Gottman's acitivities from Chapter 4: "Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration"! The point of this chapter was to stop focusing on the little negative aspects of your partner and focusing yourself on the good qualities they have. The same qualities that you found in them that made you want to marry them in the first place.

I have to admit that the activity I chose to do with Adonai brought about surprising results haha. This was the first activity to nurture fondness and admiration; it was called "I Appreciate . . ." In Gottman's book, he gives a list of 72 positive adjectives. Both Adonai and I were to choose three that we felt described the other person. Then we were to come up with an incident when they portrayed that adjective.

In case you don't know our story, Adonai and I were able to really get to know each other by basically quizzing one another! We just went back and forth with questions--some were silly ones, others were deep and personal. This allowed us to open up to each other in ways I never imagined. We often still do this, but now we don't seem to have quite as much free time as we used to haha. Regardless, I wasn't sure how "excited" Adonai was going to be about doing this with me, even though he is always so willing to help me with my homework. Well, I'll just say that he knocked my socks off! He's pretty wonderful, I can't deny that whatsoever. :)

We both went through the list, and it was hard to just choose three. But we both managed to narrow it down. Adonai suggested we go one-by-one, trading off to share. Of course, I was nominated to start haha. I won't go into detail about our conversation, but I do want to list the adjectives we chose, becauuuse I really loved it. :) For Adonai, I chose the adjectives: Strong (physically, mentally, spiritually, etc.), Reliable, and Affectionate. The words that Adonai chose for me actually really surprised me, but he was so sincere in everything he said. For me, Adonai chose the adjectives: Brave, , and Vulnerable (sharing personal and deep thoughts/experiences with him). I was absolutely floored, but even more than that, I felt so grateful and appreciative for Adonai and the mutual respect and love we have for one another. Living so far apart for an extended time is difficult and challenging, but it has allowed us to grow in ways that we never could have before.

Considering the fact that I tend to have a negative outlook on most things, I can testify to the fact that negativity is cancerous. It can bring us down in an instant. But more than that, I testify of the power of positivism, the power of positive thinking. Each night I try and write Adonai a short message, letting him know of one thing I love or appreciate about him. Even if I'm feeling negative, as I focus on being sincere, my whole attitude changes. May we see the positives in our partners and have Christlike love and charity towards them. "Thee lift me and I lift thee, and together we will ascend." (Ancient proverb)